I have been spelling my last name out for (teachers, operators, etc.) for now 18 years. I am not counting the other ten since I probably couldn't even spell my last name. But then again who can!
You see this is how the conversation goes every time...
"SCH OP as in Piano B as in Boy ACH"
Now after 18 years it has been getting a little redundant.
And I happened to be in one of my moods where you don't exactly think through and think about how the other person might perceive what your saying, you just go with it. It has become one of my more charming and at times completely idiotic qualities.
On this particular day I thought to myself, "you know what would be fun..." and I filled in my own blank. That is where you should always stop yourself...I am still learning this though.
It was one of those thoughts that you have where you think you are hilarious and the other person, well, to their own fault, might not see it the same...
So anyways, the lady gets on the phone and I start going through the same old process, "SCHOP (and this is where my alter ego took over) as in Prick B as in Balls ACH"
And for all of you thinking, "wow she is really immature!"...well I can't really fault you on that...I still giggle at fart jokes and obviously still love using sex words inappropriately.
Thankfully to my saving grace and delight, the woman on the other line started cracking up and thanking me for amusing her. However, I don't think I would recommend this to all...
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Saturday, January 23, 2010
28 yr. old living in the dorms should be Oxymoron
I thought "heck, I never really did the dorms, so why not"... BIG MISTAKE, HUGE.
However, I don't recall anyone honestly asking me if I was sure about this decision. And to them I have to say, "Where were you on that?" I am usually a very logical and systematic thinker. (side note: I just completely bullshitted the last sentence. I am probably the least logical or systematic thinker, however it sounded really good, so I am keeping it in there. Oh and just disregard this side note).
The dorm decision I can say was not the best decision. Now to be perfectly honest I did luck the heck out! Luckily the place I picked to live is sooo far off the grid (about a whole 15 minute walk) that not a lot of people want to live here. So I have my own room. I don't think you can technically call it a room though, because whoever erected this wall forgot to put the remaining 5 feet of it up. Which equates to a huge gap and means I get to hear everything and have no privacy.
So that is where I am at: 28 living with sophomores. And yes, I have already been asked to make a alcohol run. I opted out of this because I am lame and responsible...joy joy.
However, I don't recall anyone honestly asking me if I was sure about this decision. And to them I have to say, "Where were you on that?" I am usually a very logical and systematic thinker. (side note: I just completely bullshitted the last sentence. I am probably the least logical or systematic thinker, however it sounded really good, so I am keeping it in there. Oh and just disregard this side note).
The dorm decision I can say was not the best decision. Now to be perfectly honest I did luck the heck out! Luckily the place I picked to live is sooo far off the grid (about a whole 15 minute walk) that not a lot of people want to live here. So I have my own room. I don't think you can technically call it a room though, because whoever erected this wall forgot to put the remaining 5 feet of it up. Which equates to a huge gap and means I get to hear everything and have no privacy.
So that is where I am at: 28 living with sophomores. And yes, I have already been asked to make a alcohol run. I opted out of this because I am lame and responsible...joy joy.
Getting Lost in NYC an account of the 1st week
First Day:
I really wanted to make a great impression with my Taxi driver and act as though I was a savvy New Yorker who knew her shit.
As I was feeling confident and my ego was thinking, "yeahhh, that's right New York I am goooood", I was woken up from my dream. My taxi driver was telling me that the address I gave him didn't exist. "WHAT?!?, ohhhh fuck". I tried to act as though I still knew what I was doing, this lasted for about 2 more full seconds until my voice began to quiver and a bead of sweat started to accumulate on my forehead. I was had.
I think the taxi driver even started laughing at me. So not right. I did find out that there is more than one Greenwich road and of course they happen to be about a mile apart from each other. Who the fuck is naming these streets people!!!
........................................................................................................................................................
Okay, first off, I love when people tell you not to act as though you are new in a city. I was given this information numerous times by some folks of mine who were meaning to do good. But I of course took it fully to heart and thought that I was living in the hood or something. Which couldn't be further from the truth. So the first couple of days I made sure not to go out when the sun went down. Yes, I was being that much of a wuss. Dude, I thought I was living in the hood, you wouldn't go out either!
I mean really though who the heck knows what they're doing in a new city. I mean yes, don't have your purse exposed and look like a sad fool, but for the most part NYC is not that ghetto. Unless you go to Brooklyn, that is another story.
I really wanted to make a great impression with my Taxi driver and act as though I was a savvy New Yorker who knew her shit.
As I was feeling confident and my ego was thinking, "yeahhh, that's right New York I am goooood", I was woken up from my dream. My taxi driver was telling me that the address I gave him didn't exist. "WHAT?!?, ohhhh fuck". I tried to act as though I still knew what I was doing, this lasted for about 2 more full seconds until my voice began to quiver and a bead of sweat started to accumulate on my forehead. I was had.
I think the taxi driver even started laughing at me. So not right. I did find out that there is more than one Greenwich road and of course they happen to be about a mile apart from each other. Who the fuck is naming these streets people!!!
........................................................................................................................................................
Okay, first off, I love when people tell you not to act as though you are new in a city. I was given this information numerous times by some folks of mine who were meaning to do good. But I of course took it fully to heart and thought that I was living in the hood or something. Which couldn't be further from the truth. So the first couple of days I made sure not to go out when the sun went down. Yes, I was being that much of a wuss. Dude, I thought I was living in the hood, you wouldn't go out either!
I mean really though who the heck knows what they're doing in a new city. I mean yes, don't have your purse exposed and look like a sad fool, but for the most part NYC is not that ghetto. Unless you go to Brooklyn, that is another story.
First Week of Classes
Tuesday 7:30am in the morning. I am required to watch 10 videos on the basics of nursing care. This translates into watching a semi-porn video of how to correctly wash a man and women's perineum (the private parts). As I am watching this I'm secretly hoping that the man on the video gets a hard on because, well, it would make it that much more interesting. All that is really missing is the awful porn music in the background.
All the while I know just my luck that when I am actually performing this procedure I would of course get the guy who actually has the "elevation". What do you say in that circumstance? "Well done, glad its still working!?" I mean truthfully, I know its very natural and I am not trying to be insensitive about the issue, but truth be told, I would be laughing my ass off if it happened. I know that men are probably saying, "I don't want that fucking girl as my nurse!" And I would have to say to them, "Oh yes you do, because I have fun in life."
Friday: Nursing Home
I'm just going to say it, "I hope I die early!" Fuck being stuck in a nursing home and not being able to take care of yourself. The first four hours I was just in shock and overwhelmed with feeling sorry for all of these individuals. These residents used to function fully and now they lay at the hands of someone else to do one of the simplest acts of getting out of bed. Sometimes waiting 2-3 hours before someone to get them out of bed to go wait for someone to feed them. Which is the central highlight, oh and watching TV. It was depressing. Bless the individuals who are able to do this job day in and day out.
Once I got over my initial shock, I was able to look past the physical limitation and see these individuals spirits. Seeing that, for the most part, these residents spirits are still vibrant, its that they are trapped within their own bodies.
A turning point was taking a woman downstairs and just watching the birds with her. She counted the birds over and over for 45 minutes and was content. I was able to just be with her and look at the birds through her eyes for those few moments. Simply being content watching and counting birds, knowing that this simple act was a highlight for her that day.
Two words: Humbling and Depressing
All the while I know just my luck that when I am actually performing this procedure I would of course get the guy who actually has the "elevation". What do you say in that circumstance? "Well done, glad its still working!?" I mean truthfully, I know its very natural and I am not trying to be insensitive about the issue, but truth be told, I would be laughing my ass off if it happened. I know that men are probably saying, "I don't want that fucking girl as my nurse!" And I would have to say to them, "Oh yes you do, because I have fun in life."
Friday: Nursing Home
I'm just going to say it, "I hope I die early!" Fuck being stuck in a nursing home and not being able to take care of yourself. The first four hours I was just in shock and overwhelmed with feeling sorry for all of these individuals. These residents used to function fully and now they lay at the hands of someone else to do one of the simplest acts of getting out of bed. Sometimes waiting 2-3 hours before someone to get them out of bed to go wait for someone to feed them. Which is the central highlight, oh and watching TV. It was depressing. Bless the individuals who are able to do this job day in and day out.
Once I got over my initial shock, I was able to look past the physical limitation and see these individuals spirits. Seeing that, for the most part, these residents spirits are still vibrant, its that they are trapped within their own bodies.
A turning point was taking a woman downstairs and just watching the birds with her. She counted the birds over and over for 45 minutes and was content. I was able to just be with her and look at the birds through her eyes for those few moments. Simply being content watching and counting birds, knowing that this simple act was a highlight for her that day.
Two words: Humbling and Depressing
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