You know when you're working out and you're in the your zone... you're lifting some weights, you've got that new song that you added to your ipod and working out is feeling actually really good for once!!!
And then out of nowhere you hear a guy grunting his lungs out? And it completely ruins your whole zen like mindset. Has this ever happened to you?
I get that men are lifting heavy weights, but when I lift heavy weights for myself I don't have to grunt my lungs out. So what is the deal!
I honestly don't understand why men have to grunt so freaking loud, because really it's not hot nor is it attracting women to flock to your bedside. It does the complete opposite for women. Anytime we hear a man grunting so freaking loud the first thing we think is, "Uh, I bet that's how he sounds in bed!" It doesn't make us want to jump into bed with you. Because if we know you're grunting that loudly then most likely you are way too obsessed with your own image and you won't be pleasing anybody but yourself. And that is my friend a deal breaker.
Now I don't mind if a guy whose working out hard is exhaling heavily, that doesn't bother me. It's the men who feel as though they're King Kong and do almost everything besides beat on their own chest.
So, to all the men who grunt like no other please know that 1) it's not doing you any good and 2) exhaling in a controlled manner would be more productive and 3) there are other PEOPLE around so take it down a couple notches...Thank You.
Sincerely,
The Bitch at your gym
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Thought of the Day: Pain pill laced with laxatives
If you've ever been on pain pills you know that you get backed up for a entire week, maybe a week in a half. So on top of completely being in pain you get the added side effect of not crapping. And everyone, even if they don't like to admit it, likes their once a day delight.
If you've never experienced being constipated you should thank your lucky stars! It is one of the most natural things that the body does; you eat and then you should excrete. When this process gets backed up, the only thing you can think about is "when am I going to poop again!"
It's a little known fact that in nursing homes giving a laxative a day keeps the bricks away (I actually just came up with that...thank you!).
That's why while I was sitting in class today I came up with a genius idea, if I must say so myself! Why haven't the drug companies developed a pain pill that is laced with a laxative? I mean honestly, I know, you're thinking "GENIUS!" And I'll take it.
And if in the next year, I see this pill developed I'm collecting my royalties.
If you've never experienced being constipated you should thank your lucky stars! It is one of the most natural things that the body does; you eat and then you should excrete. When this process gets backed up, the only thing you can think about is "when am I going to poop again!"
It's a little known fact that in nursing homes giving a laxative a day keeps the bricks away (I actually just came up with that...thank you!).
That's why while I was sitting in class today I came up with a genius idea, if I must say so myself! Why haven't the drug companies developed a pain pill that is laced with a laxative? I mean honestly, I know, you're thinking "GENIUS!" And I'll take it.
And if in the next year, I see this pill developed I'm collecting my royalties.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Nursing Home Revisited
Nursing Home Revisited
Last Friday was (hopefully) my last time going to the nursing home. I know that is probably awful to say, but I only tell the truth, which gets me in trouble as well.
I continue to stand by my statement of not ever wanting to be in a nursing home. I decided that if I am starting to decline in health and I know that I am on my way out that I will do either 1) extreme sports because I already I have a high rate of self-induced injury rate or 2) I will simply take a great drug and go off on a trip to la la land.
Last Friday, was probably one of the hardest days yet. I had to give a bed bath to an older patient. The video that I was required to watch on the technique of bed baths (you know the one that was one step away from a porn) was the WORST preparation ever! I would have been so lucky if my bed bath experience was anything close to the semi-porn video.
But no, it was nothing like my experience. Before I go into the details I just want to preface that my heart went out to this older man. I am able to take myself out of the situation and laugh and make light of the situation, but that is because 1) it's my saving grace and 2) I don't deal with it everyday like this older patient.
Now, we were suppose to have a CNA help / direct us in the proper technique, but did we have that? NO. We had two nursing students who had watched a video and played around on a dummy, that was it.
The moment we began, the patient expressed that he was having an "embarrassing moment" which means bowel movement. My heart sank a little bit when I was given this information. However I handled it very well and made him realize that it was a part of everyday life. Which it is, however the embarrassing part is having two young girls wipe your ass.
As we were cleaning the patient, he had very arthritic hands. I asked him if he was able to open his hand a bit more. As he opened it a tad more this putrid odor wafted out. My body went in shutdown, I started to get clammy feeling and my vision started blur. I thought to myself "I can't pass out, not on my first bed bath...suck it up Sarah!" I got back in after taking some breaths of fresh air. While cleaning, brown crud kept on falling out of this poor mans hand. I wonder to myself when the last time was that he actually was bathed, maybe I don't want to know.
45 minutes and we are finally done with the bed bath, now on to the diaper. Here we go. I unveil the front portion and I don't see anything, great this will be easy. As we roll the patient partially onto his side, I see it, the turd that I am going to have to help pull out with only a pair of gloves. The grimness of the problem begins to dawn on me. We do this "partial" side move about 10 times to try and clean this poor patient, very ineffective.
I am having to go on a "treasure hunt" to find the poop and clean this patient. Moving rolls of skin while pushing someone to the side is extremely hard work. And it was all over! The balls, up the back, everywhere. 37 minutes and counting.
It wasn't until I ran completely out of wipes (probably about 50+) that I excused myself and went to find a CNA. I don't know if it was the look of bewilderment on my face or how I was staggering about, but whatever it was the CNA took pity on me and came to help. As she walked in and assessed the situation she was amazed that no one was helping us...YES, I would have to agreed to the fullest!
The CNA took the sheet in both hands and yanked hard and up which completely repositioned the patient onto his side...finally. Access to the butthole finally. Sad that that made my day, but I will take it!
A bed bath and cleaning should take about 25 minutes tops, I was in there for 1hr and 37 minutes. The patient said that he had never been cleaned in such a way before. Yeah, I bet he hasn't! At least he was kind.
That was my day. I have been initiated.
p.s. I think I might place an ad to advertise for a boyfriend just to practice vital signs and bed baths. If anyone knows someone to fill the job let me know. I don't want the small talk, just the body to work on. No fun play either...I'm not the nice nurse.
Last Friday was (hopefully) my last time going to the nursing home. I know that is probably awful to say, but I only tell the truth, which gets me in trouble as well.
I continue to stand by my statement of not ever wanting to be in a nursing home. I decided that if I am starting to decline in health and I know that I am on my way out that I will do either 1) extreme sports because I already I have a high rate of self-induced injury rate or 2) I will simply take a great drug and go off on a trip to la la land.
Last Friday, was probably one of the hardest days yet. I had to give a bed bath to an older patient. The video that I was required to watch on the technique of bed baths (you know the one that was one step away from a porn) was the WORST preparation ever! I would have been so lucky if my bed bath experience was anything close to the semi-porn video.
But no, it was nothing like my experience. Before I go into the details I just want to preface that my heart went out to this older man. I am able to take myself out of the situation and laugh and make light of the situation, but that is because 1) it's my saving grace and 2) I don't deal with it everyday like this older patient.
Now, we were suppose to have a CNA help / direct us in the proper technique, but did we have that? NO. We had two nursing students who had watched a video and played around on a dummy, that was it.
The moment we began, the patient expressed that he was having an "embarrassing moment" which means bowel movement. My heart sank a little bit when I was given this information. However I handled it very well and made him realize that it was a part of everyday life. Which it is, however the embarrassing part is having two young girls wipe your ass.
As we were cleaning the patient, he had very arthritic hands. I asked him if he was able to open his hand a bit more. As he opened it a tad more this putrid odor wafted out. My body went in shutdown, I started to get clammy feeling and my vision started blur. I thought to myself "I can't pass out, not on my first bed bath...suck it up Sarah!" I got back in after taking some breaths of fresh air. While cleaning, brown crud kept on falling out of this poor mans hand. I wonder to myself when the last time was that he actually was bathed, maybe I don't want to know.
45 minutes and we are finally done with the bed bath, now on to the diaper. Here we go. I unveil the front portion and I don't see anything, great this will be easy. As we roll the patient partially onto his side, I see it, the turd that I am going to have to help pull out with only a pair of gloves. The grimness of the problem begins to dawn on me. We do this "partial" side move about 10 times to try and clean this poor patient, very ineffective.
I am having to go on a "treasure hunt" to find the poop and clean this patient. Moving rolls of skin while pushing someone to the side is extremely hard work. And it was all over! The balls, up the back, everywhere. 37 minutes and counting.
It wasn't until I ran completely out of wipes (probably about 50+) that I excused myself and went to find a CNA. I don't know if it was the look of bewilderment on my face or how I was staggering about, but whatever it was the CNA took pity on me and came to help. As she walked in and assessed the situation she was amazed that no one was helping us...YES, I would have to agreed to the fullest!
The CNA took the sheet in both hands and yanked hard and up which completely repositioned the patient onto his side...finally. Access to the butthole finally. Sad that that made my day, but I will take it!
A bed bath and cleaning should take about 25 minutes tops, I was in there for 1hr and 37 minutes. The patient said that he had never been cleaned in such a way before. Yeah, I bet he hasn't! At least he was kind.
That was my day. I have been initiated.
p.s. I think I might place an ad to advertise for a boyfriend just to practice vital signs and bed baths. If anyone knows someone to fill the job let me know. I don't want the small talk, just the body to work on. No fun play either...I'm not the nice nurse.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Nursing 101: Hallucinogenic Manifestations
In Nursing School and any school that teaches about disease control, whether that be mental or physical you will come into what I term:
Hallucinogenic Manifestations
This is simply when normal becomes not normal. For instance, when you're reading in the the local study hall about pathogenic and microbiology effects in the environment and on and in humans, you simply start seeing them manifest before your very own eyes.
See at this precise moment, I am reading patho and the person in front of me is coughing (and not covering his mouth, which in this day and age is just plain rude!). My thought goes directly to TB or another nasty airborne virus. I mean he really isn't looking that great. And when I politely (I thought I was polite) asked him if he could cover his mouth he didn't enjoy hearing it. I don't know if it was my hand motions of "cover your mouth" or my "I'm sorry but could you cover your mouth, I can see shit spewing out". Whatever it was, he didn't take to it very well. Pansy.
Then over to my left there is another nasty little bugger who keeps sneezing and you really can see stuff spewing out...oh there he goes again...bastard! I keep giving him my evil eye but he hasn't caught me doing it yet. Which is surprising because I am looking at him for a good full minute. You can say bitch, but I am all for public health and this one isn't getting my public health message. I might have to ramp up my action.
So, when you are going through Nursing school you will assume that you have every disease imaginable. Just the other day my leg started itching and I automatically diagnosed myself with ring worm stage two.
(disclaimer: There is no such thing as ring worm two yet, however Nurse Sarah is in the process of publishing an article on this new phenomenon. Besides to her credit, it makes her sound very professional. End of disclaimer, please proceed to conclusion of blog, because Sarah discloses superb insight)
This is just part of the process. So relax and take a deep breath. Did you just take a deep breath?...because as I was writing, "take a deep breath" I actually took a deep breath, which I find pretty cool. I might have to include that more into my writings. Especially since when you get more oxygen it burns more calories...bingo (note: this was the superb insight).
Just be prepared to self diagnose yourself with every disease possible and unless you are a girl with the initials of CSW you will not have any of the diseases. The girl with the initials is screwed though. Make sure you use protective gear at all times when you come into contact with her.
Hallucinogenic Manifestations
This is simply when normal becomes not normal. For instance, when you're reading in the the local study hall about pathogenic and microbiology effects in the environment and on and in humans, you simply start seeing them manifest before your very own eyes.
See at this precise moment, I am reading patho and the person in front of me is coughing (and not covering his mouth, which in this day and age is just plain rude!). My thought goes directly to TB or another nasty airborne virus. I mean he really isn't looking that great. And when I politely (I thought I was polite) asked him if he could cover his mouth he didn't enjoy hearing it. I don't know if it was my hand motions of "cover your mouth" or my "I'm sorry but could you cover your mouth, I can see shit spewing out". Whatever it was, he didn't take to it very well. Pansy.
Then over to my left there is another nasty little bugger who keeps sneezing and you really can see stuff spewing out...oh there he goes again...bastard! I keep giving him my evil eye but he hasn't caught me doing it yet. Which is surprising because I am looking at him for a good full minute. You can say bitch, but I am all for public health and this one isn't getting my public health message. I might have to ramp up my action.
So, when you are going through Nursing school you will assume that you have every disease imaginable. Just the other day my leg started itching and I automatically diagnosed myself with ring worm stage two.
(disclaimer: There is no such thing as ring worm two yet, however Nurse Sarah is in the process of publishing an article on this new phenomenon. Besides to her credit, it makes her sound very professional. End of disclaimer, please proceed to conclusion of blog, because Sarah discloses superb insight)
This is just part of the process. So relax and take a deep breath. Did you just take a deep breath?...because as I was writing, "take a deep breath" I actually took a deep breath, which I find pretty cool. I might have to include that more into my writings. Especially since when you get more oxygen it burns more calories...bingo (note: this was the superb insight).
Just be prepared to self diagnose yourself with every disease possible and unless you are a girl with the initials of CSW you will not have any of the diseases. The girl with the initials is screwed though. Make sure you use protective gear at all times when you come into contact with her.
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