Nursing Home Revisited

Nursing Home Revisited

Last Friday was (hopefully) my last time going to the nursing home. I know that is probably awful to say, but I only tell the truth, which gets me in trouble as well.

I continue to stand by my statement of not ever wanting to be in a nursing home. I decided that if I am starting to decline in health and I know that I am on my way out that I will do either 1) extreme sports because I already I have a high rate of self-induced injury rate or 2) I will simply take a great drug and go off on a trip to la la land.

Last Friday, was probably one of the hardest days yet. I had to give a bed bath to an older patient. The video that I was required to watch on the technique of bed baths (you know the one that was one step away from a porn) was the WORST preparation ever! I would have been so lucky if my bed bath experience was anything close to the semi-porn video.

But no, it was nothing like my experience. Before I go into the details I just want to preface that my heart went out to this older man. I am able to take myself out of the situation and laugh and make light of the situation, but that is because 1) it's my saving grace and 2) I don't deal with it everyday like this older patient.

Now, we were suppose to have a CNA help / direct us in the proper technique, but did we have that? NO. We had two nursing students who had watched a video and played around on a dummy, that was it.

The moment we began, the patient expressed that he was having an "embarrassing moment" which means bowel movement. My heart sank a little bit when I was given this information. However I handled it very well and made him realize that it was a part of everyday life. Which it is, however the embarrassing part is having two young girls wipe your ass.

As we were cleaning the patient, he had very arthritic hands. I asked him if he was able to open his hand a bit more. As he opened it a tad more this putrid odor wafted out. My body went in shutdown, I started to get clammy feeling and my vision started blur. I thought to myself "I can't pass out, not on my first bed bath...suck it up Sarah!" I got back in after taking some breaths of fresh air. While cleaning, brown crud kept on falling out of this poor mans hand. I wonder to myself when the last time was that he actually was bathed, maybe I don't want to know.

45 minutes and we are finally done with the bed bath, now on to the diaper. Here we go. I unveil the front portion and I don't see anything, great this will be easy. As we roll the patient partially onto his side, I see it, the turd that I am going to have to help pull out with only a pair of gloves. The grimness of the problem begins to dawn on me. We do this "partial" side move about 10 times to try and clean this poor patient, very ineffective.

I am having to go on a "treasure hunt" to find the poop and clean this patient. Moving rolls of skin while pushing someone to the side is extremely hard work. And it was all over! The balls, up the back, everywhere. 37 minutes and counting.

It wasn't until I ran completely out of wipes (probably about 50+) that I excused myself and went to find a CNA. I don't know if it was the look of bewilderment on my face or how I was staggering about, but whatever it was the CNA took pity on me and came to help. As she walked in and assessed the situation she was amazed that no one was helping us...YES, I would have to agreed to the fullest!

The CNA took the sheet in both hands and yanked hard and up which completely repositioned the patient onto his side...finally. Access to the butthole finally. Sad that that made my day, but I will take it!

A bed bath and cleaning should take about 25 minutes tops, I was in there for 1hr and 37 minutes. The patient said that he had never been cleaned in such a way before. Yeah, I bet he hasn't! At least he was kind.

That was my day. I have been initiated.

p.s. I think I might place an ad to advertise for a boyfriend just to practice vital signs and bed baths. If anyone knows someone to fill the job let me know. I don't want the small talk, just the body to work on. No fun play either...I'm not the nice nurse.