Starting to find my voice

When people tell me that I am such a strong person and how I will just say anything to people and don't care about the consequences, it always makes me take a step back. I think when people say this to me:

1) They have no clue what the heck they're talking about!
2) Maybe I should start caring about the consequences...I thought I cared...but I think they're right it's always a second thought...hummmm that might not be good.
3) The image I project sounds like a kick-ass girl...

I grew-up not caring about what people thought and I was fully SARAH. However, shit happened and I lost the man in my life who let me be fully me. I lost my way for a long time, like a lot of people do in life.

My own image of myself is truly flawed. It amazes me that instead of thinking that I am stronger for going through things in my life, I feel weaker for them. As though I wasn't able to pull myself up by my boot-strings fast enough or well enough as others have done. I mean there are people who lose their whole families, are raped, tortured and they get through these awful experiences to do good in their lives...now that is truly amazing!

Yes, I stand up to people, but that is because the situation is such bullshit and I'm just not good at letting people get away with how they treat others. I am GREAT at standing up for other people! I will give them that. If someone wants to put down one of my friends or family members in my presence they better have their fists up, because I will most likely be swinging. However, when it comes to standing up for my feelings or myself I am just beginning to find my voice again.

Maybe all women go through this, where they never feel good enough or don't know how truly amazing they are, because we are constantly being told that we need to be this or that to be good enough. Don't get me wrong, I fall for this crap everyday. It takes getting out of my own head and focusing on issues of substance to get me out of the running dialog in my head.

However, I am just realizing that I am starting to find that voice of mine again and it's a nice feeling. Because I really missed that little girl who was strong, completely herself and wanted to take the world on!

Maybe people are right, that I don't care how it makes me look. I just am starting to believe it for myself...